caminante haciendo camino
free legal advice and other random thoughts
2004-12-15 | 9:29 p.m.

My standard opening spiel when I speak to criminal defendants usually goes something like this: My name is Anonadada and Iím with the county attorneyís office. Iím the prosecutor; I represent the State in this matter. I donít represent you. Iím not your attorney. I canít give you advice. You have the right to an attorney, if you want one. You also have the right to maintain your silence. That means you donít have to speak to me if you donít want to. Blah. Blah. Blah.

Despite this standard admonition, Iím going to dispense a bit of free and unsolicited legal advice here.

To the gentleman person crazy-eyed, greasy-haired, fast-talkiní, spittle-flying tweaker, who is charged with DUI-Drugs, it is probably wise not to come to the courthouse to meet with the prosecutor while your so high that youíre bouncing off the walls.

To the asshole with an acute case of ďsmall manís syndrome,Ē telling the prosecutor that you beat your wife black and blue with a flashlight because she deserved it does not help your case at all. Be a man for one fucking minute and take responsibility for your actions.

To the twenty-two year old wanna-be who insists on ďdatingĒ a 17 year old and who is dumb enough to get caught buying her alcohol, Iíve got two words for you: jail bait.

To dog-owners everywhere, do me a favor and keep your pets in your fenced yards. If I never see another ďdog at largeĒ citation I will be a very happy prosecutor.

To the 50ish ďmomĒ who got busted driving after having a few beers and who opened the glove box to retrieve your registration but forgot that you had stashed your marijuana pipe there, your tears are getting you nowhere. Pull yourself together, dammit.

To the old curmudgeon who was found guilty of disorderly conduct and criminal damage, it doesnít serve you well to get angry at the judge when he sentences you to attend anger management counseling.

This week has been exhausting. Iíve been in court every other day, which barely gives me enough time in between court dates to catch my breath, much less get any work done. And it looks as if my schedule in going to remain equally harrowing at least until the first of the year.

Other than having a lot to do and not enough time to do it in, Iím still having a hell of a good time doing what Iím doing.

Iím growing increasingly annoyed with my landlady. First, Iím in the downstairs apartment and she lives upstairs. She has wooden floors. Which means that it sounds as if sheís herding cows through her kitchen whenever sheís walking around up there. Second, the entrance to my apartment are two french doors. My landlady is wanting to hang an insulated type curtain over the doors in order to eliminate the need to pump more heat down here. This wouldnít be a problem except for the fact that the french doors are right next to the stove. Is it just me, or does it seem highly unsafe to hang a curtain over the only exit when that same curtain is going to hang a mere two inches from the stove? As Iím not particularly keen to a fiery death, Iím going to explain to her that if she insists on putting them up, I will be thinking about moving out.

Listening To: t.v.
Reading: Lord John and the Private Matter by Diana Gabaldon
Feeling: Tired

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