caminante haciendo camino
here i go again
2004-05-12 | 2:23 p.m.

I really wasn’t going to harp on this any further. But, really, I can’t seem to think of much else. These thoughts kept swirling around in my head all night. Add to that the mental clouds that always accompany a dose of Benadryl and you can safely assume that I had a very restless night. So, if you’re tired of hearing it, feel free to skip this, but I really need to make a second attempt to purge my thoughts if I’m ever going to get any work done today.

Last night, as we were fixing dinner, I was telling Yesenia of what had transpired during the day. She had been at school all day taking finals, so she hadn’t heard the news of the retaliatory decapitation of American civilian, Nicholas Berg.

She cried. She didn’t cry because of her understandable fear and worry over her fiancé who is in Iraq. She cried, in her words, “because of us, because of America and what has become of us.”

And I know her heartbreak. I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster for months now. One minute I’m furious at what this administration has done and their attempts to justify it. The next minute I’m close to tears over what this administration had done and their attempts to justify it.

It makes me both angry and sad that I’m having a difficult time distinguishing between “us” and “them.” We start an unjustifiable war, premised on lies and unproven allegations. They rebel at our occupation, and take up arms against our military. We indiscriminately arrest thousands of Iraqis and up to 90% are mistakenly detained. They kidnap Americans without regard to their civilian or military status. We torture and humiliate (and perhaps do worse – the administration won’t let us see those pictures) Iraqi prisoners in violation of international law and all standards of moral decency. They gruesomely kill an innocent American civilian in retaliation.

Are we seeing a pattern here? I do, and it makes me sad.

Bush today said that there was no justification for the execution of Nicholas Berg. I agree. But I also see that there was no justification for our waging war against Iraq in the first instance. There was no justification for those soldiers’ abuse of prisoners. There is no justification for approving interrogation techniques that violate the Geneva Convention. There is no justification for a lot of what this administration does.

I’m not at all appeased by the administration’s line that, “we’ll show them that democracy works because our process will be open and all will see the perpetrators brought to justice.” The point is, we shouldn’t have to be in a position of proving to the world that we’re better than fucking terrorists. If we would have just stayed off our moral high horse to begin with, we wouldn’t be in this position. If, once we had stormed in there, we would have conducted ourselves in accordance with international law, we wouldn’t be in this position. If we’re going to cast the world stage into a play of “good guys”/“bad guys”, spouting the “you’re either with us or against us” rhetoric, than for gods sake we sure as hell better comport ourselves in such a way that the everyone can actually tell who the “good guys” are.

So, yeah, I know Yesenia’s heartache. I know the sadness over what America has become and how America is perceived. I know sadness over the lives lost, the destruction sown, and the hate engendered. I know sadness because I can’t always tell the difference between “us” and “them.”

I also know anger and frustration. I know anger and frustration because we didn’t have to go down this path; I know anger and frustration because this administration can only see the evil in others while refusing to recognize their own failures; I know anger and frustration because I’m not entirely certain how or even if this situation can be remedied.

I do know, that if there is an answer to this situation, to this godawful mess, it’s not going to be found in a Bush administration. He can’t be the solution. He’s the problem.

* * *

Well, then, there you go. Another diatribe. I’d say sorry, but I’m sure there’ll be more where that came from. I disagree with Senator Inhofe’s outrage over the outrage. I’d be far more outraged if there were no outrage. The outcry, especially from Americans, tells me that there is still hope for us.

* * *

In other news, there’s been a development in Project Get a Damn Job. I have an interview!!! Tomorrow. With the agency that is top of my list. So, please, cross your fingers, say a prayer, send positive energy, do whatever it is you do, ‘cause I’ll take all the positive-job-vibes I can get.

* * *

Finally, resounding GRACIAS go out to littlebub for adding me to her favorites.

Oh, yes, and thanks to ozarklily, jerryjayray, pandionna, chailife, marsist, and fluidlife for your notes and comments yesterday. I always appreciate hearing what you have to say. And I think Pandi’s piece of advice, passed on to her by her mother (because moms always know best), says it all: never trust a man who says “just trust me.” Words to live by, my friends.

Listening To: "Disease" by Matchbox Twenty
Reading: legal briefs
Feeling: torn

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