caminante haciendo camino
starting on the inside
2005-01-17 | 11:33 p.m.

I�ve decided that I need to work from the inside out. This applies to every area of my life. But, today, specifically, I realized that it also applies to losing weight and getting healthy. Intellectually, I know what I need to do to lose weight � eat less, exercise more. But this isn�t enough. There are obviously things I need to change on this inside, otherwise I would have actually done this long ago.

As much as I don�t like Dr. Phil � I find him overbearing and his Texas accent drives me apeshit � I think his bookwill help me. It gets to the core of getting healthy � things like identifying what you think about yourself, changing those thought patterns, emotional reasons for eating, controlling your environment � before it even starts talking about food choices, nutrition, or exercise.

That�s exactly what I need. I need to deal with the inside first.

I also realize that my weight loss journey has to go hand-in-hand with my spiritual journey. I�ve neglected the part of my spirituality that addresses these issues and that honors me by wanting to be healthy.

Truth be told, I�m scared of what awaits me on this journey. There are places inside that I�ve not had the courage to open up in a long time � maybe ever. There are things about me � thoughts, emotions, fears � that I�ve placed a shiny veneer of self-confidence and strength over, but I know that shell is thin and fragile. And I�m not entirely certain of what I will find underneath, or if I will be able to reconstruct myself from the uncovered pieces.

But I know that, no matter how frightened I might be of the process, I want to go down this path. I deserve it.

Listening To: the hum of the heater
Reading: The Ultimate Weight Solution
Feeling: determined

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