caminante haciendo camino
starting on the inside
2005-01-17 | 11:33 p.m.

Iíve decided that I need to work from the inside out. This applies to every area of my life. But, today, specifically, I realized that it also applies to losing weight and getting healthy. Intellectually, I know what I need to do to lose weight Ė eat less, exercise more. But this isnít enough. There are obviously things I need to change on this inside, otherwise I would have actually done this long ago.

As much as I donít like Dr. Phil Ė I find him overbearing and his Texas accent drives me apeshit Ė I think his bookwill help me. It gets to the core of getting healthy Ė things like identifying what you think about yourself, changing those thought patterns, emotional reasons for eating, controlling your environment Ė before it even starts talking about food choices, nutrition, or exercise.

Thatís exactly what I need. I need to deal with the inside first.

I also realize that my weight loss journey has to go hand-in-hand with my spiritual journey. Iíve neglected the part of my spirituality that addresses these issues and that honors me by wanting to be healthy.

Truth be told, Iím scared of what awaits me on this journey. There are places inside that Iíve not had the courage to open up in a long time Ė maybe ever. There are things about me Ė thoughts, emotions, fears Ė that Iíve placed a shiny veneer of self-confidence and strength over, but I know that shell is thin and fragile. And Iím not entirely certain of what I will find underneath, or if I will be able to reconstruct myself from the uncovered pieces.

But I know that, no matter how frightened I might be of the process, I want to go down this path. I deserve it.

Listening To: the hum of the heater
Reading: The Ultimate Weight Solution
Feeling: determined

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