caminante haciendo camino
a small step toward restoring discipline
2004-12-07 | 10:27 p.m.

Iíve been very undisciplined about a number of things lately, including writing in this space. Iím sure that there are other things that Iíve been lax about that are more important than this small part of the ether, but I figured I would try to reestablish some discipline in my life by starting here.

For starters, Iíve unlocked this diary once again. Some of the concerns that originally led me to lock up still exist, but some do not. Iím going to see how it goes, and, if necessary, Iíll lock it down again.

The job is going well. I still feel incompetent more often than not. But I am learning a lot and, importantly, Iím having fun doing it.

The biggest adjustment so far has been the weather. Iíve never experienced a winter before. Yesterday I woke up to an white world. We had several inches of snow and by morning everything was white with snow. This is the second snow storm of the season. Apparently the snow is earlier this year than normal.

I quickly learned that I did not have appropriate footwear for winter weather. After a week of wet and cold feet, I went shopping for boots. My feet are now properly attired, but I still find walking in the snow to be quite a challenge Ė especially walking up and down the hill to the courthouse on a snow-covered sidewalk. If I manage to make it through this first winter without falling on my ass it will be an accomplishment.

Driving in adverse weather is another new challenge for me. I cut my visit to Tempe short last weekend in order to avoid an impending snow storm. I still got some bad weather, including some snow, on the drive, but I did make it home in one piece. Again, if I manage to make it through this winter without spinning, sliding, crashing, or otherwise damaging my car or anyone elseís car it will be quite an accomplishment.

After much thought and internal debate, I decided to contact a local pagan group and introduce myself. Iíve, thus far, been practicing solitary. Before moving here, though, I had been thinking of making more of an effort to reach out to the pagan community in the Valley, and perhaps joining a group of some sort. It seemed ďsafeĒ to do so, partly because the large metropolitan area permitted a certain degree of anonymity. Not so in a small town, though. In a small, very traditional, conservative community like this one, being publically pagan could have repercussions, both personally and professionally. After going over the possible consequences and weighing it against my personal distaste for bowing to such external pressures, I decided to go forward, with discretion, of course. Iíve introduced myself online to a local group of pagans and Iím planning on meeting them in person for a Yule celebration later this month. Itís a small step, but I feel better for it. I wonít be announcing at the next staff meeting that Iím pagan, but neither will I actively conceal that fact either. If this brings about negative professional consequences, then this is not the place for me.

Listening To: the news
Reading: a Diana Gabaldon novel
Feeling: a modicum of discipline

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