caminante haciendo camino
weekend sabbatical
2004-05-03 | 4:00 p.m.

I had to step away, if only for a few days. I was so sickened by, well everything last week: the situation in Falluja and the ironic asinine untenable “solution” of putting an former Republican Guard commander in control of the city , the pictures of the horrid abuse suffered by Iraqi prisoners, the media’s willingness to delay releasing the story at the Pentagon’s request, the ever increasing death toll.

I was disgusted by all of it. I was both angry and sad. I didn’t know whether to scream in rage or cry in frustration. I simply felt sick. And I had to stop looking at it, stop hearing it, stop thinking about it. Or at least try.

So I did my best not to watch the news or read any paper for most of the weekend. I spent both days with family. Rianna spent most of the weekend at my home. She’s beautiful. And she’s smart. And being with her renews my hope in all that is good in this world.

She’s just learning to speak a few words. It’s great to hear her mix English, Spanish, and sign language. This weekend she was asking for “more agua” while signing “more.” Trilingual at 14 months. Smart kid.

She’s also fiercely independent. If there’s something she wants to do, she’ll keep at it until she does it, and she’ll grunt and push you away if you try to help. She wants to do it on her own. And once she does she looks up at you with the goofiest, most adorable grin.

We watched funny, feel good movies (Love Actuallyand School of Rock). We did ordinary weekend things like doing laundry, and blowing bubbles, and ordering pizza.

Talk of politics and Iraq did creep in occasionally. And I did switch the t.v. to the news a couple of times. But for the most part, we turned off the world, and enjoyed the weekend.

Today, my weekend sabbatical is over. I’m still disgusted with the war and the inhumanity that results from war. Those pictures still make me sick. I’m still screamingly angry at the same time that I’m heart-achingly sad. But, at least for now, I don’t feel so overwhelmed by it all. I don’t feel as if the bad outweighs the good. How could I after spending the weekend with Rianna and her toothy grin?

Listening To: NPR's "All Things Considered"
Reading: boring legal crap
Feeling: angry and sad, but not so overwhelmed

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