caminante haciendo camino
power shopping 101
2004-04-24 | 11:35 p.m.

1. Know your objective. Malls, shopping centers, and outlets have a plethora of stores. You canít hit them all. Know where you want to shop and go there first. My objective was business clothes, namely suits. Casual Corner was my store of choice. Well, actually, it was the Casual Corner outlet store out in the middle of fucking nowhere. Why do they put outlet malls in the remotest and most desolate corners of the world? In any case, I knew my objective. The business suits stood no chance against me.

2. The query is best hunted in teams of two or three. Teamwork. Itís the key to successful power-shopping. One person lays claim to a fitting room, while the other scopes the store, exchanges sizes or colors, and hangs all that shit back up. My Mom and I make an excellent power-shopping team. In fact, I think we might just be the Southwest Power-Shopping Championship Team. You should see us at after Christmas sales. Brilliantly executed teamwork. Itís a thing of beauty, I tell you.

3. Have the coffers prepped. It is essential to have sundry forms of payment at the ready. Credit cards should be carefully cleaned and polished beforehand, and then alphabetized in a readily-accessible wallet or credit card portfolio. Cash and checks should be on hand for the occasional payment emergency. I wonít go into the grisly details of how much money was spent today. Suffice it to say that the final tally was obscene and my credit cards have been sent to rehab in order to fully recuperate before the next power-shopping expedition.

4. Relish your shopping conquests. Once the shopping team has returned safely to the home camp, admire your work, try everything on again, ohhh and ahhh over your buys. You worked hard at the pursuit; enjoy the fruits of your labor. This part of the shopping experience will take place tomorrow. We were too exhausted to do anything else but dump the packages on the bed and collapse on the sofa with a DVD and a gallon of rocky road ice cream. Shut up. Shopping is hard work, dammit.



Listening To: late night t.v.
Reading: "The Princes of Ireland"
Feeling: satisfied

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