There are several unrelated things on my mind today, so it is likely that this entry will soon devolve into senseless rambling. Just so you know.
Before I get started, let me just say that the black and white M&Ms are disturbing. Very disturbing. Yet, apparently, not troubling enough for me to stop eating them. Go figure.
* * *
At the forefront of my myriad musings is the undeniable and ever more imminent need to start my job search. Oh, I�m still working, collecting a paycheck every other week, and in absolutely no danger of starving or otherwise suffering the misfortunes of poverty brought on by unemployment.
I am, however, getting closer to the end of my judicial clerkship, which was for a one year term. Come September 6, this utopia of legal work is no more.
So, when I say there�s an �imminent� need to find work, I guess I mean �imminent� in the same way Bush meant �imminent� when he declared Saddam�s WMD�s to be an �imminent� threat � what I mean is that it�s a distant possibility in the imaginable, but certainly not immediate, future that I might find myself jobless. Now that I�ve cleared that up, I�m hoping to avoid having to engage in embarrassing and ineffective backpedaling on Meet the Press someday.
In any event, I had told myself a few months back that I would start my job search in February. Well, it looks as if that means now. Damn it, where did the past five months go?
My resume is pretty much up to date. And with the way federal clerkships make employers drool (in much the same way I start to salivate at the sight of a Godiva chocolate store), I don�t anticipate finding a job to be particularly difficult.
The difficult part is in deciding just what in the hell I want to do with my budding legal career. I had hoped to have all the answers after working in the court system for two years, but so far, I only have more questions.
I�m leaning most strongly toward staying with the federal government and trying my hand at criminal prosecution. The only potential roadblock to this brilliantly fuzzy plan is that the government agency that I would be interested in usually only hires attorneys with extensive courtroom experience. And, although I�ve worked in and around courtrooms of different kinds for the past two years, I don�t have any experience actually convincing a jury of anything. And I think that�s what they mean by courtroom experience. Mind you, it�s not as if I have nothing to offer. I can write circles around most federal prosecutor�s legal briefs. But the fact that I can dazzle you with my legal analysis on the written page, tells you next to nothing about my skill in front of judge or jury. I have every confidence that I can be a trial attorney, a damn good trial attorney, I�m just not sure that I�ll be able to convince the powers that be of that just yet. All is not lost however. Like all good lawyers, I have networked. I know people, who know people, who might be able to open a few doors. And, of course, the timing has to be right. No amount of shmoozing can help there. I just have to keep my fingers crossed. So, this, in a nutshell, is plan A.
Plan B would be to pimp my soul to the highest paying law firm. This plan has some merit. Top most on the list of �pros� would be the obscene amounts of money that many firms would be willing to pay a young associate with impressive credentials such as myself. The �con� list is headed by the fact that I�d be shackled to a desk for 16 or more hours a day, every day, for the next 4 or 5 years, doing mind numbingly boring tasks and charging clients an exorbitant amount of money for every 6 minute increment of time that I�ve spent on their case even though it involved no legal analysis whatsoever. Sounds like fun, huh? And, it�s almost certain that it would be years before I saw the inside of a courtroom. Not exactly a trial lawyers dream come true. So, yeah, that�s Plan B.
I don�t� have a Plan C. I�m hoping I won�t need a Plan C. Shit. What if I do? Damn it, now I�m going to have to come up with a Plan C.
So, I guess I have to come up with a plan for finding a job.
1. update resume
2. talk to the people who know people
3. research firms to sell your soul to (narrow it down to 5 or 6 soul-sucking establishments)
4. send out resumes
5. just in case, come up with a Plan C
Ok. I have a plan. I�m feeling marginally better now.
* * *
I mentioned in passing the other night that someone had said something about cultivating small fields that had set me to thinking. (I didn�t go into it at the time because I was pretty much drunk.) Well, now that I�m sober, let me elaborate a bit.
It was a judge, giving a pep talk to a room full of law clerks who said it. The point he was making was that we had to take the responsibility for making our practice of law meaningful, otherwise we risked going the way of many a disenchanted lawyer. And one of the ways to make the practice of law meaningful (or, really, anything that you do) is to cultivate small fields, or, in other words, to practice excellence in the small things.
This got me thinking about the many small things, that can go unnoticed and unattended, that can have a cumulative effect on overarching aspects of our lives, whether they be fields of personal relationships, work, family, health, or any number of things.
For example, it�s easy to forget to answer an email, or return a call. This is a small, seemingly insignificant thing. But, do it often enough and it can adversely affect a friendship.
The memo I�m writing may seem unimportant because the legal issues are simple and the case isn�t likely to generate any new legal precedent. But my professional reputation, my credibility as a lawyer, is built on the small things just as much, if not more, than on the larger matters. I need to be aware of this and practice excellence even in the small things.
�Cultivate small fields.� I guess the reason that line struck a chord with me is that there are many ways in which I can be better at the small things, be it at work, at home, with friends, or with personal goals. It was a timely reminder that success is made in the details.
* * *
I received a compliment from a friend today. It was very nice. I appreciated it and I�ll thank him for it (just as soon as I get these mental ramblings on paper and out of my head). He was right, I don�t hear things like that often.
But here�s the thing. I don�t have to. Sure, it�s nice to hear, and a sincere compliment is always appreciated. What I mean is that my self-esteem is in no way dependent on the presence or absence of such things.
My self-worth is just that: MINE. I determine what I think of me. And I determined a while back that I like me.
There was a time when I allowed others (well, one other) to affect my self-esteem. But no more. (I usually only have to make a mistake once, especially the big ones.) So, I guess what I�m trying to say is that, even though I appreciate assorted compliments, praises, and kudos of all kinds, what you (meaning anyone) thinks of me is pretty much irrelevant to my self-esteem. Sure, there are people who I love and respect, who I would want to have their love and respect in return. But should I one day not have their love and respect, my self-worth would be unaffected. Conceited as it may sound, I�d see it as their shortcoming rather than mine. Because, damn it, I�m fantastic. What�s not to love?
* * *
Ok, before I go, let me round out this entry of unrelated mind debris with some Unconscious Mutterings:
- Identity::Self
- Reveal::Hide
- Live::Wire
- Attitude::Hot
- Night::Dreams
- Nevada::Vegas
- Weekend::Relaxing
- Write::Must
- Friend::Love
- Seventeen::Young
Ciao, queridos!
~Jess.
Listening To:
Reading:
Feeling: