And now we return you to your regularly scheduled life . . . .

Ah, at last. All work is done, no deadlines are looming, and I�ve finally managed a full night�s sleep. I am one happy camper today.

But since life as I know it would probably cease to exist if there wasn�t something to bitch about, let me just say that my house looks as if a tornado touched down in my living room and it was really stressing me out this morning. Moving in an additional grown up person and a small two year old person has wrecked havoc on my previously ordered household.

Apparently it�s been this way for several weeks. But I�ve barely managed to drag myself home in time to catch a few hours of sleep before heading back out to work, so I had not noticed the disaster between the front door and my bed. How I didn�t trip and break something as I stumbled incoherently to my room is beyond my comprehension. Maybe I did break something, and I�ve been too busy to notice.

Anyway, this morning, after a full 8 hours, and with no work on the brain, I finally took a good look at my surroundings. And let me just say that it wasn�t a pretty sight.

It apparently isn�t possible to contain a two year old�s belongings in just one room. But even Yesenia�s shit is still all over the living room in assorted bags and boxes. I think it�s time for a talk. I don�t expect her to do much . . . but she should clean up after herself and her daughter, don�t you think? I think that�s a perfectly reasonable expectation.

And although the house really is a shit hole right now, I think the inordinate amount of stress that it was causing me this morning is because I feel as if every other aspect of my life has spiraled out of my control while I�ve been working like a legal automaton for the past month.

Examples of the chaos that has become my life:

1. I haven�t been to the gym since . . . egads! . . . since 2003!!! Bad. Very, very bad. If Trainer Boy weren�t in Taiwan (yes, my Trainer Boy is in Taiwan . . . modeling!!! I can�t believe that I�ve actually consented to working out, sweating, and making a general ass of myself in front of such a beautiful person . . . but not only have I done just that, I also pay him about $50 an hour for the privilege.) anyway, if Trainer Boy weren�t in Taiwan, I�m sure he�d be kicking my ass up one side of the gym and down the other for being such a slacker.

2. I may very well run out of clothes to wear if I do not do laundry immediately. The only reason I have clean underwear is because I made an emergency trip to Victoria�s Secret last weekend to buy some. Yes, it was less time consuming to buy new underwear, than to do laundry. Time has been at a premium, people. I finally managed to lug my dry cleanables to the dry cleaners this morning . . . for what I paid, it might have been cheaper to go out and buy new suits . . . well, not quite . . . but it was a hell of lot.

3. Being in the office for about 18 of the 24 hours we have in a day means that I�ve been eating a sickening amount of fast food and other unhealthy concoctions (like Starbuck�s venti, nonfat, cinnamon spice, extra shot mochas � absolutely delicious, and, quite frankly, essential to my well-being when I�m working like a maniac, but not an overall positive addition to a health-conscious eating plan). So I�m feeling rather . . . ick. Yeah, that�s it . . . ICK. And I have a strange craving for a salad. Who is this person?!?!

4. As I mentioned yesterday, its just wrong to nth degree when you�d rather sleep than orgasm. Which may be the reason why my vagina is starting to make the same creaking sounds that an old house makes. Well, it was actually my chair that squeaked, but MM heard it and, wise ass that she is, felt it necessary to tell me that my vagina was starting to squeak from disuse. Bitch. The really sad part, is that she may be right.

So, the moral of this story is that my regularly scheduled life sucks. But at least I now have time to enjoy the suckage that is my life.

And, I am getting right to work on putting the aforementioned mess to rights. I hit the gym right after work, I�m having a salad for lunch, the clothes is already at dry cleaners and I will conquer the laundry after the gym . . . as for the orgasm, well, me and my vibrator have some plans tonight.

Soon all will be right with my world again.

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