caminante haciendo camino
bitching might help the soul, but it does nothing for cramps
2004-01-20 | 4:41 p.m.

You would think that after almost 18 years I would be used to this monthly plague of womanhood, and I could take the grinding cramps, hormonal swings, and general ickiness in stride. But Iím not. So, please indulge me for a moment while I bitch and complain.

Sonofafuckingbitch, these fucking cramps are fucking killing me!

I thought Iíd feel better after getting it all out there, but . . . no . . . I donít. It still hurts like hell.

Itís days like today when I miss the menses-free years on depo provera. Of course, the makers of that particular wonder drug donít tell you that itís an effective form of birth control because it dries your sex drive up so completely, youíd rather watch egg shell white paint dry on your grandmotherís porch than have sex with anyone or anything. It was a good year before I new what desire was again. But, gods, I miss not having a period.

And where the hell is the Midol when you need it? Iíve scoured my desk, purse, and briefcase in hopes of finding some relief in pill form. But there are no drugs to be found anywhere.

Damn. I canít even think when my uterus is held in Mother Natureís vice grip of fury. And believe me, I have a lot to do right now that requires my full mental capabilities. This foray into mind clouding pain is making it more than likely that I will have to work again this weekend, which will make three weeks without a day off.

Well, if Iím gonna bitch about the cramps, I might as take full advantage of the bitchfest and throw in a bitch or two about work. Letís see anything else? Oh, yeah, my new shoes hurt like hell . . . why does Launchcast keep playing Yo-Yo Ma on the fucking hour? . . . weíre in the middle of the goddamn desert, why does it have to be colder than a witchís tit in this office?

Hmmm . . . let me see . . . no, the full-scale bitchfest has done nothing to alleviate the cramps. Thatís it, Iím going to the street corner to see if I can score some drugs. Well, really, Iím going to drive to the Walgreens and buy me some Midol. Letís hope they kick in quickly.


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