You would think that after almost 18 years I would be used to this monthly plague of womanhood, and I could take the grinding cramps, hormonal swings, and general ickiness in stride. But I�m not. So, please indulge me for a moment while I bitch and complain.

Sonofafuckingbitch, these fucking cramps are fucking killing me!

I thought I�d feel better after getting it all out there, but . . . no . . . I don�t. It still hurts like hell.

It�s days like today when I miss the menses-free years on depo provera. Of course, the makers of that particular wonder drug don�t tell you that it�s an effective form of birth control because it dries your sex drive up so completely, you�d rather watch egg shell white paint dry on your grandmother�s porch than have sex with anyone or anything. It was a good year before I new what desire was again. But, gods, I miss not having a period.

And where the hell is the Midol when you need it? I�ve scoured my desk, purse, and briefcase in hopes of finding some relief in pill form. But there are no drugs to be found anywhere.

Damn. I can�t even think when my uterus is held in Mother Nature�s vice grip of fury. And believe me, I have a lot to do right now that requires my full mental capabilities. This foray into mind clouding pain is making it more than likely that I will have to work again this weekend, which will make three weeks without a day off.

Well, if I�m gonna bitch about the cramps, I might as take full advantage of the bitchfest and throw in a bitch or two about work. Let�s see anything else? Oh, yeah, my new shoes hurt like hell . . . why does Launchcast keep playing Yo-Yo Ma on the fucking hour? . . . we�re in the middle of the goddamn desert, why does it have to be colder than a witch�s tit in this office?

Hmmm . . . let me see . . . no, the full-scale bitchfest has done nothing to alleviate the cramps. That�s it, I�m going to the street corner to see if I can score some drugs. Well, really, I�m going to drive to the Walgreens and buy me some Midol. Let�s hope they kick in quickly.

~Jess.

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